Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
