so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
