You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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