drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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