I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
