dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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