I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
