Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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