He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
