His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
