Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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