Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
