i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
