but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
