thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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