i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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