God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
