the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
