I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You smell like stripper and shame
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
