what day is it and did you see me today?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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