Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
