No subtext here. People are naked.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
