so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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