I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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