is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
