I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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