I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
