So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
