honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
