you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
