take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
