I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
