I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
