How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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