Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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