Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
