When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
