I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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