I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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