I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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