i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
