FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
