Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
