he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
