WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
