got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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