imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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