Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
