i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
