i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
