I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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