babies were throwing up all over the place
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
