the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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