your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
