There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
