you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
