first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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