hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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