She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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