I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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