Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
