So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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