i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
