it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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