last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
