I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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