She is in my trunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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