If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
