I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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