I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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