Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
