the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
