i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
