its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I did not marry a roomba.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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